Dear Elena, dear Smidge,
All through my year of fundraising, to get where we are today, I had one thing constantly on my mind: who my partner was going to be. Some nights I lay awake sick with worry that they would hate me, that we wouldn't get along, or have zero common ground.
Our year in India is nearly coming to an end, and I wanted to take this opportunity to be honest about living with someone in such close proximity, seeing each other everyday and reflect upon the incredible, emotional, wonderful, crazy year we've had together.
Where do I begin? We arrived in this country pretty much as strangers and I am estatic that I am leaving it with a friend for life. I never knew at the start of the year that we were going to be such a solid partnership - let's be honest, it wasn't looking likely!
Living with someone in such a small space is not easy. We worked out that in this year we haven't spent longer than six hours apart. We've been in this country for 318 days in total - that's 7632 hours that we've pretty much only spent in each other's company. And of course, on the bad days, when we just can't face each other, we can choose to maybe spend time apart in different classrooms, go up to the shops for some space, or hide in the office, but at the end of the day, Devnar is a small school, and at the end of the day we have no choice but to return to the small room we share and face each other. Of course this is going to lead to problems sometimes - at the best of times you completely infuriate me, you're a massive pain in the arse and I know you feel the exact same way about me. Your lack of enthusiasm for things can drive me crazy, you like to walk your dirty feet over the freshly cleaned floor I spent hours mopping, you correct me constantly, and above all, you're superior, aren't you? Equally I am happy to admit I'm no delight to live with either, so with that in mind I'm so proud to write that we lived together for a year and only had ONE argument. ONE! As this is an honest open letter, I'll admit that for most part of the year I've felt like I've lived in your shadow. From the start you were better at India than me - you were barely homesick, you took to the food, the children and the teaching straight away, and it felt like I was constantly trying to catch up with you. People would always ask what we were doing after India, and you were able to proudly stand there and tell people you were going to Durham University to study anthropology (and I am still SO proud of you! Remember I screamed all the way down Mayur Marg when you got the news on Christmas Eve?), whereas they were met with a look of lost confusion when they turned to ask me. I've now come to realise that we both have strengths and charactertics where the other has flaws and I'm still, even towards the end, trying to work on not comparing myself to you so much.
Living with someone in such a small space is not easy. We worked out that in this year we haven't spent longer than six hours apart. We've been in this country for 318 days in total - that's 7632 hours that we've pretty much only spent in each other's company. And of course, on the bad days, when we just can't face each other, we can choose to maybe spend time apart in different classrooms, go up to the shops for some space, or hide in the office, but at the end of the day, Devnar is a small school, and at the end of the day we have no choice but to return to the small room we share and face each other. Of course this is going to lead to problems sometimes - at the best of times you completely infuriate me, you're a massive pain in the arse and I know you feel the exact same way about me. Your lack of enthusiasm for things can drive me crazy, you like to walk your dirty feet over the freshly cleaned floor I spent hours mopping, you correct me constantly, and above all, you're superior, aren't you? Equally I am happy to admit I'm no delight to live with either, so with that in mind I'm so proud to write that we lived together for a year and only had ONE argument. ONE! As this is an honest open letter, I'll admit that for most part of the year I've felt like I've lived in your shadow. From the start you were better at India than me - you were barely homesick, you took to the food, the children and the teaching straight away, and it felt like I was constantly trying to catch up with you. People would always ask what we were doing after India, and you were able to proudly stand there and tell people you were going to Durham University to study anthropology (and I am still SO proud of you! Remember I screamed all the way down Mayur Marg when you got the news on Christmas Eve?), whereas they were met with a look of lost confusion when they turned to ask me. I've now come to realise that we both have strengths and charactertics where the other has flaws and I'm still, even towards the end, trying to work on not comparing myself to you so much.
Whenever we heard stories of partnerships that weren't working out, I was always secretly pleased at the back of my mind that we were such a good partnership. Because we are Smidge, we really are. Despite my stroppy moods, you driving me mad with your superiority and our constant squabbles over petty things like who takes the rubbish out and the mess in the room (ahem, you), we just work. You couldn't find two people more different than you and I, and in all honesty I was worried about this when we met on training, but it's turned out to be the best thing for our partnership. We learn new things from each other everyday, whether you're attempting to educate me on anthropology or I'm letting you in on Fleetwood Mac's greatest hits. And when we're not learning from each other, we find to our delight that we have a common in something, something for us to bond over. Putting two completely polar personalities together was a smart move from Project Trust, because you bring out to best in me and keep me grounded. Thanks to you I gained a new perspective on all my flaws and bad qualities, and I'll always be greatful to you for that Smidge. You made me see the world in a different way and got my priorities straight. You're right - I don't need to take a hair dryer when we go travelling.
So, to commemorate our year coming to an end, here are the 15 things, amongst many, that I like about you:
1.) I like that you always check the room for rats and chase them out if there are any, no matter how tired or grumpy you are.
2.) I like that you walked me back the room in the dark that one time you made me watch the Diatlov Past trailer in the computer lab and I cried.
3.) I like that you sometimes buy me my favourite mango juice as a treat for no reason. I extra like the fact that you always buy them in a carton, because I prefer them that way, and you always buy me two, because you know I like one for breakfast the next morning.
4.) I like that you always speak so enthusiastically about topics you're passionate about to an extent that your whole face completely glows with happiness while discussing the origin of Danish furniture (yes, really).
5.) I like the fact that you can be the bluntest, sassiest and sometimes rudest person I've ever known when it comes to people trying to cheat us/inappropriately touch us/kidnap us.
6.) I like that you let me be me, no matter how dramatic, loud, over the top, stroppy, stupid or unrealistic I'm being. You sit back and let me do my thing and I love you for that.
7.) I like that we have become so comfortable around each other that we can openly discuss eachothers bowel movements/vomit consistency/periods/any other gross medical issue. This also applies for boys, sex, opinions on *big* issues and anything else most people wouldn't really talk about. Shocking to some readers, yes, but when you live together in India for a year, with only one toilet between the two of you, you become pretty blazé about this stuff.
8.) I like that one time we were on an AC bus with no blankets, and I gave you my hoodie because you were cold, and in a moment of completely out of character and random madness, you threw your arms around me and gave me a cuddle to keep me warm too.
9.) I like that we've lived together for so long that we know each other inside out. I know you get cold easily on sleeper trains, you know the walk I have when I'm really excited about something, I know the face you make when you're about to go downstairs, you know to take a million photos of me and for which angle so I'll have the perfect one for instagram. Sometimes you'll say something about me and it'll scare me, because you do often know me better than I know myself.
10.) I like that you're always game for a selfie. I appreciate that.
11.) I like that when you wake me up in the middle of the night because you turned the light on and I start mildly panicking because I forgot to put my facemask on that you come over and do it for me and tuck me in.
12.) I like that when you annoy me I think of the time you were running through KBR park in bright flowery trousers and trainers, all stroppy because we had made you go running, and I smile, because you looked so stupid.
13.) I like that you go along with the fake names and occupation I tell people when I can't be bothered to disclose real information. Even that time I said you were a neurosurgeon called Babs.
14.) I like that we can recall the names of each other's family and friends and all their trates and facts without even having met them yet.
15.) I like that you know every single thing about me, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and you still love me and respect me for who I am.
We haven't got much time left - in exactly a week's time we will go our seperate ways and not see each other for a whole six weeks before we're reunited on training. And what's six weeks compared to spending a whole year together, day in and day out? I know you'll probably breath a sigh of relief as soon as you go your own way at Heathrow Airport, but for me, it's going to be strange not having you by my side 24/7 and being able to tell you every single thing that's happened in the day.
I guess that's what WhatsApp's for, right?
Thank you for everything this year, Smidge. The memories we've made together I'll treasure forever, from kyaking drunk down the Kerelan backwaters at 6am, to getting caught dancing on top floor at midnight, to jumping off moving trains when we missed our stops, singing in rickshaws, laughing until we cry and crying until we laugh again. You've been my rock and I know I would've struggled so much more in India without you to cheer me up when times got tough. You're more than a best friend or a sister to me - you're my Project Trust partner, a bloody good one, and everyone who has done Project Trust will know that that bond is like no other.
Here's to many, many more adventures to come.
मैं आप से प्यार करता / करती हूँ
Mai aap se pyaar karathee hoom,
Your Lots gal x
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