And frankly...

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.” 

Today marks the eighteen day countdown to India, and with the inevitable departure date of the 4th of September looming on the horizon, a certain little nomad is starting to feel a wee bit anxious.

While battling my way through Birmingham's rush hour traffic to reach the embassy before it closed to collect my VISA, I started to feel the familiar little fizzle at the pit of my stomach that constantly reminds me that this is really, really happening. It's exciting and it's amazing and I've worked so hard to get here, but equally, it's really bloody terrifying.

I've known at the back of my mind for the past two and a half years that I would always potentially be leaving home at nineteen to go and live in a foreign country, and equally, it's always been everything I've ever wanted - to travel the world as soon as I left school. But beneath the pink tinted fantasy of Instagram filtered photos of me lying on the beach and finding myself in a temple, the reality is is that I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and moving away from everything that I'm used to and feel safe and happy and comfortable in and throwing myself into, quite frankly, a stranger of country that I know absolutely nothing about.

So, with all that in mind, I have decided to be honest and write down all the things that I'm currently afraid and worried about. Some are serious and some are lighthearted, but I'm hoping that I can look back at this a year later and ask my self what on Earth I was so worried about.

Being so homesick that I have to come home.

Hating the overwhelming culture shock so much that I have to come home.

Something happening to my mum/dad/sister/dogs/immediate family/the nice postman/the lady that served me in Tesco the other day while I'm away.

Never finding out who killed Lucy Beale on EastEnders as the storyline will be dragged out until after I leave.

(Although, with a bit of luck, they'll drag it out for so long that I'll be able to find out just in time for when I get back home next year.)

Slipping out of routines that I so very much adore, such as treating my self to a Caffe Nero after work 'because I deserve it' a little too often.

(Well. I do deserve it. Don't I?)

Being used as a drug mule.

(This one probably has more to do with the fact I just watched Bridget Jones - The Edge of Reason. But this is a serious fear and one that my mother laughs at when I tell her about it. I just feel like I'm the sort of person who would gladly help an innocent looking old lady carry their bag through customs if they asked and, oh God, I don't want to spend weeks and weeks in a foreign prison singing 'Like A Virgin' with the other prisoners with only one phone call home.)

My body being unable to handle the sticky and humid heat and ending up as a big, sweaty, grumpy mess.

(This is inevitably going to happen so I've just got to suck it up and pack plenty of cooling mist.)

Being robbed, harassed or mugged.

Reacting badly to beggars, street dogs or street children.

Snakes/spiders/rats/bugs/anything with a million legs that moves.

(This one needs no explanation.)

And finally...

Accidentally getting married without realising it when someone presents me with a goat.

(I mean, it happened in a dream, but I can totally picture it happening in real life.)

I feel like a slight weight has been lifted off my shoulders now I have all of this down on electronic paper, and, in hindsight, I'm 93.4% certain that I don't need to worry about any of these things and that I'll return home next year absolutely desperate to return, if anything. I know I need to fly the nest at some point, and if there's anyway to do it, it's doing it like this. All I've ever wanted to do with my life was to travel the world and I am truly, truly blessed to be able to say that in eighteen days I am moving to India for a year, so for now, I need to shove my worries aside and focus on the incredible adventures I'm about to have.

With that being said, the next few weeks are going to be tough and emotional - saying goodbye to people for the last time for a year, getting everything ready and going to places I've visited nearly everyday for the past four years for the last time. I've already turned into a soggy blubbing mess when my best friend and I talk about the year to come or when someone goes 'Gosh, it's soon, isn't it?!' - but don't be fooled, I am, of course, so excited. The adult in me is ready for adventure and about to burst with excitement, but the child in me wants to stay at home with everything that's comforting to her.

Maybe I'll let them battle it out.

Thank you for reading this rambling mess,

L x

ps. I created a public platform where I will be posting all of my videos, blog posts and pictures during my time in India. It's called Nomad Gone Mad on Facebook and you can check it out here.