India and Me

Picture this. When I think of India and my personal experience with this country, I like to imagine it as a person. All the smells, colours, sights, people, weather, temperature, food, illness, poverty & wealth, buildings, trains, rickshaws, street merchants, children, temples, churches, dancing, singing and festivals, to name a few, formed, moulded and rounded up as one person. Maybe a lady wearing a sari, or a man in traditional dress, or a faceless figure painted orange, white and green. But for now, however you wish to picture it, imagine India as a person.

When I first arrived in India, this person punched me straight in the face with culture shock. When I was home sick, physically sick and plain sad it held me down and punched me a few more times. It made me resent India and more than anything, I wanted to go home. But India as this person pinned me down and forced me to stay, and even when I wriggled and gave up a fight, it wouldn't let me leave.

After a month I found the strength to fight off India and stand on my own two feet again. Now India and I were on equal terms. I was able to face them, look them in the eye and tell them I wasn't scared of them anymore. And India, reluctantly, accepted this. They took a step back and let me discover things for my self, work out how they work, and experience the country from a new perspective. I was starting to feel comfortable, settled and, dare I say it, happy with my new home. India accepted this, and offered me their hand as an official welcome.

By Christmas, India and I were friends. It wrapped me up in a warm, familiar embrace and I no longer resented this person. It fed me new and delicious food, held my hand and guided me through places when I was anxious or unsure, pushed me playfully when I got stroppy or angry, and danced alongside me through the many, many adventures and memories I've experienced here. It sat back and watched me grow as I learned how to deal with this country, deal with the challenge of teaching blind children with no training, and offered gentle advice when I was at a loss. It introduced me to new people, places, foods, ways of life and habits I never thought I would pick up.

From then on, India and I were on the same page. Sometimes we argued, sometimes we laughed, and sometimes we cried together at the pure sadness and injustice you can witness in this place. Sometimes I questioned it, asking why on earth it would put me through some of the things I've experienced here. And in response it would laugh, tell me not to be such a drama queen and to just get on with it.

I don't see myself as a particular strong or brave person, but the one thing I do pride myself on is that when I've started something, I don't give up on it until it's finished. Even if it's not done to the best of my ability I will always feel the need to finish what I started. And thats what happened with India. No matter how desperately homesick, lonely or sad India ever made me at random points of the year, I never concidered giving up and going home to the UK. Quitting was never an option - I worked too hard and annoyed my friends and family endlessly to get here. I would patiently fight my way through all the challenges and finish what I started, and return home the UK in July with the rest of my volunteers, completing, as it were, a year in India. 

And I did

I want to avoid all the cliches about how my year with Project Trust has changed me as a person, but it's impossible not to acknowledge it. India forced me to grow up, whether I was ready for it or not. The day my family dropped me off for the airport was the day I left home and left my old life behind and I didn't even realise it. I didn't realise what a huge, enourmes change and impact this year would have on me. Before I came here I was in my own bubble, a happy, safe and cosy bubble. Nothing was too difficult, everything was easy. I lived a simple life, I thought the world was simple and I thought people who over complicated their lives could have it easy too. But it's not like that at all. India burst my comfort bubble and I will be eternally greatful that it did. When you see first hand the things that I've witnessed and experienced this year it's impossible not to realise that the world is complicated, cruel and unfair. I've acknowledged this, I've tried my best to help, but the world cannot be fixed. The world is a phenomenal, stunning and vastly complex place. It is terrifying, dangerous, exciting, and corrupt, and I'm still, as a single person amongst over seven billion, trying to work out how I can it can be both beautiful and awful at the same time.

Sometimes I'm sure I'm glowing with the sheer joy this country has bought me. There were times when I couldn't comprehend my content, there were times when I didn't know happiness like this could exist. The energy this country can bring you makes you feel as if you're on top of the world. I couldn't even take a minute to sit back and take it all in, because everything happened so fast, a whirlwind or colours and spices and music and religion swooping me up and throwing me through life. 

In 2000, India's 1 billionth citizen was born. When I used to look at India on the map I simply thought it was impossible that over 1 billion, a seventh of the world's population, could live here, in a country with a relatively small land size compared to that of, say, Russia. But it's possible, and you feel it here. You feel it when you're wedged in the crowds of the local markets, the temples where thousands of prayers are taking place, the cinemas roaring with laughter, the queues at the Taj Mahal early in the morning. In India you are never alone, you always feel the warmth of the diverse 1.252 billion people. 

I look at the person I was when I arrived here and the person I am now when I'm leaving and I can feel myself glowing with happiness. I didn't known that I needed changing as a person before I came here but I am so glad I have. I will always be grateful to myself for making the decision to come to India, Project Trust for choosing me and India for changing me.

When I look back on my year it will be the moments that I'll remember. Moments that were just for India and me, moments that didn't belong to social media or my life back at home. Moments like hanging out the back of a rickshaw at sunset, watching the sun chase us all the way home and waving at anyone and everyone who passed us by. Moments like when one of you're students finally gets what you've been teaching them right and can repeat it back to you and you want to burst with pride. Moments of tickle fights, secrets and laughter until 2am, rice sprinkled on your head at a festival and tender smiles between you and the beggar you just gave money to.

Moments, all leading up to this one.

I wish to thank every single person who sponsored me for allowing me to go on this journey. Working at Devnar School for the Blind has made me see the world and all that's in it in a completely different light. I have learnt so much from my students, the staff, the school - not only how to work and interact with blind people, but a lot about myself too. As I prepare to embark on my journey back to the UK and the next chapter in my life, I will always remember what India has taught me, and I will carry it with me for life. 

India - The Last Week - An Open Letter to my Partner

Dear Elena, dear Smidge,

All through my year of fundraising, to get where we are today, I had one thing constantly on my mind: who my partner was going to be. Some nights I lay awake sick with worry that they would hate me, that we wouldn't get along, or have zero common ground.

Our year in India is nearly coming to an end, and I wanted to take this opportunity to be honest about living with someone in such close proximity, seeing each other everyday and reflect upon the incredible, emotional, wonderful, crazy year we've had together.

Where do I begin? We arrived in this country pretty much as strangers and I am estatic that I am leaving it with a friend for life. I never knew at the start of the year that we were going to be such a solid partnership - let's be honest, it wasn't looking likely!

Living with someone in such a small space is not easy. We worked out that in this year we haven't spent longer than six hours apart. We've been in this country for 318 days in total - that's 7632 hours that we've pretty much only spent in each other's company. And of course, on the bad days, when we just can't face each other, we can choose to maybe spend time apart in different classrooms, go up to the shops for some space, or hide in the office, but at the end of the day, Devnar is a small school, and at the end of the day we have no choice but to return to the small room we share and face each other. Of course this is going to lead to problems sometimes - at the best of times you completely infuriate me, you're a massive pain in the arse and I know you feel the exact same way about me. Your lack of enthusiasm for things can drive me crazy, you like to walk your dirty feet over the freshly cleaned floor I spent hours mopping, you correct me constantly, and above all, you're superior, aren't you? Equally I am happy to admit I'm no delight to live with either, so with that in mind I'm so proud to write that we lived together for a year and only had ONE argument. ONE! As this is an honest open letter, I'll admit that for most part of the year I've felt like I've lived in your shadow. From the start you were better at India than me - you were barely homesick, you took to the food, the children and the teaching straight away, and it felt like I was constantly trying to catch up with you. People would always ask what we were doing after India, and you were able to proudly stand there and tell people you were going to Durham University to study anthropology (and I am still SO proud of you! Remember I screamed all the way down Mayur Marg when you got the news on Christmas Eve?), whereas they were met with a look of lost confusion when they turned to ask me. I've now come to realise that we both have strengths and charactertics where the other has flaws and I'm still, even towards the end, trying to work on not comparing myself to you so much. 

Whenever we heard stories of partnerships that weren't working out, I was always secretly pleased at the back of my mind that we were such a good partnership. Because we are Smidge, we really are. Despite my stroppy moods, you driving me mad with your superiority and our constant squabbles over petty things like who takes the rubbish out and the mess in the room (ahem, you), we just work. You couldn't find two people more different than you and I, and in all honesty I was worried about this when we met on training, but it's turned out to be the best thing for our partnership. We learn new things from each other everyday, whether you're attempting to educate me on anthropology or I'm letting you in on Fleetwood Mac's greatest hits. And when we're not learning from each other, we find to our delight that we have a common in something, something for us to bond over. Putting two completely polar personalities together was a smart move from Project Trust, because you bring out to best in me and keep me grounded. Thanks to you I gained a new perspective on all my flaws and bad qualities, and I'll always be greatful to you for that Smidge. You made me see the world in a different way and got my priorities straight. You're right - I don't need to take a hair dryer when we go travelling.

So, to commemorate our year coming to an end, here are the 15 things, amongst many, that I like about you:

1.) I like that you always check the room for rats and chase them out if there are any, no matter how tired or grumpy you are.

2.) I like that you walked me back the room in the dark that one time you made me watch the Diatlov Past trailer in the computer lab and I cried.

3.) I like that you sometimes buy me my favourite mango juice as a treat for no reason. I extra like the fact that you always buy them in a carton, because I prefer them that way, and you always buy me two, because you know I like one for breakfast the next morning.

4.) I like that you always speak so enthusiastically about topics you're passionate about to an extent that your whole face completely glows with happiness while discussing the origin of Danish furniture (yes, really).

5.) I like the fact that you can be the bluntest, sassiest and sometimes rudest person I've ever known when it comes to people trying to cheat us/inappropriately touch us/kidnap us.

6.) I like that you let me be me, no matter how dramatic, loud, over the top, stroppy, stupid or unrealistic I'm being. You sit back and let me do my thing and I love you for that.

7.) I like that we have become so comfortable around each other that we can openly discuss eachothers bowel movements/vomit consistency/periods/any other gross medical issue. This also applies for boys, sex, opinions on *big* issues and anything else most people wouldn't really talk about. Shocking to some readers, yes, but when you live together in India for a year, with only one toilet between the two of you, you become pretty blazé about this stuff. 

8.) I like that one time we were on an AC bus with no blankets, and I gave you my hoodie because you were cold, and in a moment of completely out of character and random madness, you threw your arms around me and gave me a cuddle to keep me warm too.

9.) I like that we've lived together for so long that we know each other inside out. I know you get cold easily on sleeper trains, you know the walk I have when I'm really excited about something, I know the face you make when you're about to go downstairs, you know to take a million photos of me and for which angle so I'll have the perfect one for instagram. Sometimes you'll say something about me and it'll scare me, because you do often know me better than I know myself. 

10.) I like that you're always game for a selfie. I appreciate that.

11.) I like that when you wake me up in the middle of the night because you turned the light on and I start mildly panicking because I forgot to put my facemask on that you come over and do it for me and tuck me in.

12.) I like that when you annoy me I think of the time you were running through KBR park in bright flowery trousers and trainers, all stroppy because we had made you go running, and I smile, because you looked so stupid. 

13.) I like that you go along with the fake names and occupation I tell people when I can't be bothered to disclose real information. Even that time I said you were a neurosurgeon called Babs.

14.) I like that we can recall the names of each other's family and friends and all their trates and facts without even having met them yet.

15.) I like that you know every single thing about me, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and you still love me and respect me for who I am.

We haven't got much time left - in exactly a week's time we will go our seperate ways and not see each other for a whole six weeks before we're reunited on training. And what's six weeks compared to spending a whole year together, day in and day out? I know you'll probably breath a sigh of relief as soon as you go your own way at Heathrow Airport, but for me, it's going to be strange not having you by my side 24/7 and being able to tell you every single thing that's happened in the day.

I guess that's what WhatsApp's for, right?

Thank you for everything this year, Smidge. The memories we've made together I'll treasure forever, from kyaking drunk down the Kerelan backwaters at 6am, to getting caught dancing on top floor at midnight, to jumping off moving trains when we missed our stops, singing in rickshaws, laughing until we cry and crying until we laugh again. You've been my rock and I know I would've struggled so much more in India without you to cheer me up when times got tough. You're more than a best friend or a sister to me - you're my Project Trust partner, a bloody good one, and everyone who has done Project Trust will know that that bond is like no other.

Here's to many, many more adventures to come.

मैं आप से प्यार करता / करती हूँ

Mai aap se pyaar karathee hoom,

Your Lots gal x

India: December, January & February - Woahhhh We're Halfway There! HUGE UPDATE!

Dear all,

I am finally facing the music and confronting the fact that I have not paid any attention at all to this blog for a good two months. It's crazy how fast time goes and how quickly it all seems to go by when you're so busy! Since I last updated you so much has happened at Devnar School for the Blind, so I'm going to try my best to cram it in as best as possible:

Christmas & New Year

Christmas time at Devnar came and went in a flash and even though I was really worried about spending the festive season away from my family, we ended up having the best time. We kicked off the Christmas week with the Devnar nativity and we were so proud watching our students perform after working so hard with them leading up to the big day. In the days leading up to Christmas there were so many celebrations, festivities and parties that I completely forgot about a cosy cold Christmas in the UK with a hot roast dinner. The truth was, Christmas in India was way better. We decorated our little Devnar room with all sorts of decorations and the kids were so excited that it felt almost more festive than usual, in a hot Indian summer kind of way. On Christmas Eve the LVP girls came for our Christmas sleepover, and we went out for dinner at Paradise restaurant in Begumpet and had a complete feast of the best Indian food in Hyderabad, and of course, the world famous Hyderabad biryani. On Christmas morning we opened stockings in bed, just like at home, and went downstairs to celebrate with the kids. Their faces on Christmas morning and being smothered in hugs and kisses made staying at Devnar for Christmas completely worth it. We spent the day playing games, eating chocolate sent from the UK, opening presents, skyping our friends and family, and Elena and I even managed to finish off the day watching The Grinch. The time between Christmas and New Year was relatively relaxed as so many days were cancelled due to the festive season, so Elena and I spent a lot of this time shopping, guiltily eating pizza, playing with the kids who didn't get to go home for the holidays, going to the library and exploring around Hyderabad. On New Years Eve we decided to stay at Devnar School as well - there are so many years of partying to come that we were more than happy to sacrifice a night out for the excitement and festivities at the school. We saw the new year in with lots of dancing, a massive cake fight and lots of kisses and cuddles from our students and aunties. It was probably the best New Years Eve I've had so far, even if we were washing cake out of our hair and saree's at 2am...

  

Waiting for Father Christmas on Christmas Eve!

Hyderabuddies on Christmas Day at Devnar.

Christmas Day!

NYE Cake fight!!

 NB: Between these two points we also went on holiday to Goa, but we were ill for most of it and didn't get up to much, so it's not worth writing about, but we got some nice photos:
 

Photographic evidence that we managed to have some fun

 

We took a day trip to Hampi on the way to Goa and I think it's my favourite place in India. I can't put into words the feeling I had watching the sunrise over this beautiful place at 6:00am.

Republic Day

After recovering from a rubbish holiday to Goa (However, huge thanks to the wonderful Marianne de Nazareth for letting us stay in her beautiful house in Pilzerne, the house and the surroundings made it worthwhile!), the death of David Bowie (not even finding baked beans and scrambled eggs in Goa could make me smile) and Annual Day dance rehearsals, we were met with Republic Day. In typical Devnar fashion we weren't informed until the day before and were told to be ready for 6am - also in typical Devnar fashion we were ready for 6am and didn't start the program until 9:30am. But when it did start it was beautiful - it was really incredible to see all of the staff and students and honoured guests, of all different religions and backgrounds, unite for one reason only - for the love of India. The moment was marked with lots of dancing, singing, and our little LKG students dressed up as historical figures such as Ghandi and Mother Theresa. Our older 8th to 10th class students performed a stunning dance dressed in the Indian colours and I'm not even embarrassed to admit I got a tear in my eye. It was half a day of celebrations and we had the afternoon off, so Elena and I went on a spontaneous cinema trip and were surrounded by people dressed as the Indian flag. Winning.

Sai Sethwick and Nikeel clearly loving the assembly...

 

Mr Egbert and I

Really good decorations at a blind school...

Desk Officer Visit

As the end of January marked nearly the halfway point we were lucky enough to get a visit from Rosie, our desk officer from Project Trust, accompanied by David Lyons on Thursday the 28th of June. Coincidentally, or perhaps deliberately so they could get some awesome footage of a typical birthday cake fight, Rosie's official visit landed on the same day as my partner Elena's birthday! There was way too much excitement in the air with not only a volunteer's birthday but also two people from the UK coming to visit AND our country host Bharavi, his wife Sugathi and the founder chairman of the school, Dr Goud, and his wife, the correspondent Mrs Jyothi Goud, coming as well. The night before, when El was in the computer lab, I quickly decorated our little room with streamers and Happy Birthday signs, and even conquered my fear of balloons and managed to blow a whole load up for her as a surprise for when she went to bed. I woke up really early the next morning and gathered all the little kids I could find, stuck party hats on their heads, and woke Elena M'am up with cake I got from the bakery the day before and happy birthday candles. We sang at the top of our voices and Elena, dazed and confused and still in her moo moo, was (hopefully) delighted at all the attention. We got dressed in our nicest saree's and all of our Indian jewellery to mark the occasion. After singing to Elena in the school assembly we sat patiently waiting for Rosie, David, Bharavi and Sugathi to arrive like kids on Christmas morning.
We had a wonderful few days. It was great to show off to Project Trust the work we've been doing for the past half a year and we had the best time. Rosie unfortunately was only able to stay for one day but we crammed lots in - interviews, lesson observation, lunch with The Gouds, a massive cake fight and a blind cricket match (and almost taking David and his camera out with the ball - sorry again!). We were really fortunate enough to be taken out to dinner by the Gouds at a yacht club in Hyderabad  that evening as well and we had the most delicious food and enjoyed really nice company and a stunning view of the lake at night. It was the perfect end to Elena's birthday and Rosie's visit.
Lucky for the Hyderabuddies, David stayed on in Hyderabad for two extra days when Rosie went off to visit the rest of the projects, as he is making a short film for Project Trust about the volunteers in India. The day after Elena's birthday he spent all day filming at LVP, and in the evening we all went out to Dialogue in the Dark, a restaurant in Hyderabad where you eat in complete black out darkness. It was a really awesome experience but especially interesting for Elena and I as it gave us a perspective of what our students have to go through everyday. It was a real struggle for me to eat just one meal without being able to see, so I can't even imagine how hard it must be for my students to get through every day life visually impaired, yet they do it with such optimism and thrive. Of course the meal was accompanied with lots of silliness and giggles - it was really funny listening to everyone trying to eat their meal, and one of us may have left with ice cream on their nose (hint: it was me). On top of all of this the food was so good!
The next day David came back to Devnar and spent the day filming, providing a really nice day again. He spent the day getting footage of us playing with LKG, interviewing Elena and I, interviewing the teachers and aunties and staff, and generally getting some really nice shots of kids playing and life at Devnar. Again we were lucky enough to have lunch with the Gouds and ended the day in classic Devnar style - lots of dancing and we managed to get David up on stage! We're so excited to see the footage when it's ready.
David had to leave Sunday evening but the Hyderabaddies first went shopping at Secunderabad market and then to Bharavi and Sugathi's house to see David off and to pay a visit to our favourite country hosts. We really enjoyed having David and Rosie here to not only celebrate Elena's birthday weekend but also to show them all the hard work we've put into our project for the past six months!

Messy cake situation

My Indian family 

Showing Rosie our little shack at Devnar

Sugathi, Bharavi, Rosie, David, Dr Goud, Mrs Jyothi Goud, Elena and I.

The Hyderabuddies and honourary Hyderabuddy David at Dialogue in the Dark.

...and the rest

'Life is moving very nice', as my 8th class student Abhishek would say, at Devnar. After our Desk Officer visit and Elena's birthday we were immediately thrown into Annual Day preparations, which involved, as usual, a lot of dance rehearsals and costume making. The actual day itself was lovely - the Governor of Tamel Nadu was present which involved a mass security set up at Devnar - metal detectors at the entrance, armed officers surrounding the Governor and even a scary looking man with a machine gun. There was lots of singing, dancing, acting and speeches, and what made it even better was that my friend Susie and her friend Catherine came to visit from the UK! If you're reading this, I'm so sorry again - I really didn't know how long it was going to be, haha! Elena and I were forced into going up onto stage and dancing with our 10th class students and ended up dancing with the whole school until way past midnight - it was like New Years Eve all over again and once again made me realise just how awesome my project is. We went out for dinner at our favourite restaurant with Susie and Catherine the next evening, rounding off a wonderful couple of weeks.

I've also started a new project at Devnar School - thanks to the fantastic Kate Warner in Australia I've been able to set up a Pen Pals Project. I write letters together with the students about them selves and asking questions about Australia - a sighted one by me and a Braille version by my students, and send it along with a photo to the primary school that Kate works at in Australia in the hope of starting a letter writing project. I'm so excited about this, I really hope it takes off as it means I will have officially left a mark on the school in my own way! I've really enjoyed sitting down with some of my students and writing letters, learning more about them and how they wish to portray themselves and learn about students in other countries. Fingers crossed - the participating students are so excited for a reply and to make friends.

Working hard with Kalyan on the Pen Pals Project

...working equally hard in my LKG lesson

Celebrating half a year in India the best way: cuddles with Aiyaan.

Elena and I on Annual Day.

The Hyderabuddies on Annual Day.

Other than that I am nursing two new ear piercings, mourning the loss of our groovy green kettle, we rearranged our room to make space for ALL THE ACTIVITIES and are just really enjoying life at Devnar.

Many blog posts ago I was moaning about the food, the culture, and the general culture shock of India but I am so happy to say that I have finally found the euphoric feeling I was looking for when I first arrived. I can't even explain this new energy and happiness India has given me, but I'm glad it did, because I think I've honestly reached a point where I never want to come home.

Woahhhh we're halfway there!!

Hopefully it won't take me another two months to update you again...

Stay happy!

L x

'Life is moving very nicely for you, Lottie M'am.'